Mythological Locations A to Z: W is for Walachia
Mythological Locations A to Z: W is for Walachia

Vlad Tepes was one bad motherfucker. Hard core, you dig? I mean, nailing turbans to some dudes' heads 'case they wouldn't take 'em off? The whole impaling thing? Hard. Fuckin'. Core. He wasn't a vampire, though - not the "I vant to drink your bloooood!" kind, at least. Vlad Tepes thrived on pain.

When Caecescu started going to town in Romania, Vlad poked his head out of his coffin and took a look around. Dude liked what he saw, and then he heard about Adolf and ol' Uncle Joe, an' got all pissed off 'cause he missed the good shit. Yeah, Rwanda was kind of a turn-on, and Bosnia/Croatia/Kosovo kept him cheery for a good long while. Still, it wasn't looking good for ol Vlad in the Jollies Department.

He's keepin' an eye on the shit we got goin' down in Iraq and Afghanistan and even here in the states, though. That shows some real promise. He made a few calls, not easy when you're calling from an unmarked grave in a backwater part of Romania, but he finally got through. Dick Cheney finally took his call, and Vlad pulled some strings and hooked him up with an old Soviet base in Romania.

Vlad's got a new job now, and he's liking it a lot. It's a lot more hands-on than his old work, and there's plenty of room to work his way to the top. Plenty of room, especially since Scooter's out of the way now.