Mythological Locations A to Z: E is for Elysium
Mythological Locations A to Z: E is for Elysium

When I died, I thought I was free of that babbling nimrod. Imagine my disappointment when the peace and quiet of death was shattered by his arrival. He caterwauled at Cerebus until the dog hid all 3 heads under its paws, wailed at Hades and Proserpine until they cried with the agony.

The ratfinks told him he could have me back - I'm still pissed off about that - but that he had to walk out of here without looking back. I figured that I was screwed at that point - Orpheus wasn't the type to look back on stuff, he just assumed everyone was listening.

Then I had an idea - all the way back, I walked carefully, not making a sound. I breathed slowly and quietly, and eventually, the dumbass started to wonder if there was anyone behind him. The look on his face when he turned around and saw me was priceless - he was overjoyed to see me, then crestfallen as he realized he'd once again fucked things up. I flipped him off and went back to the peace and quiet of Elysium.

Imagine my disappointment when he showed up a few weeks later. Sonofabitch'd managed to go get his head ripped off. "Just think, Euridyce! We'll be together FOREVER!"

That's when I found out about the Afterlife Exchange Program and got transferred to this Chinese Hell. Sure, I get boiled alive every two days, but it's quiet. So quiet.