Lockup in rural Alabama isn't the most fun I've ever had. It's my own fault I'm here - I was running late thanks to some car trouble, and wound up having to just pull over, lock the car and head for the woods. I put my clothes under a rock in the culvert for safekeeping and changed. Come the next morning, I washed the deer blood off my face and hands then went to get my clothes.
They weren't there - or rather, they were, but torn and fouled. Coyotes. My wallet was gone. The underwear weren't too bad, so I washed them off and put them on. The keys weren't under the rock, nor were they under the front tire, where I've left them before.
I saw them, then. Sitting in the ignition. Mocking me.
The sun was getting up in the sky - traffic was going to pick up soon, so I picked up a rock and smashed the window. Just as I reached in to unlock the door, I heard the whoop of a siren.
The deputy listened to my explanation, then put me in the cruiser. "I reckon it might be your car, sir, but you still ain't explained why you're standin' out here in your underpants."
Blood tests, breathalyzer, pissing in a cup.
Whee.
A call to the rental agency and a check of my trunk got my ID established - thankfully, I'd secured some extra ID. The tests came back negative, of course. Still, I got to spend several hours in a cramped county jail wearing an orange jumpsuit and sitting next to a smelly old drunk. When I puked up the deer meat, the drunk freaked out, but I managed to flush the toilet and rinse my mouth before the deputy came back to see what the fuss was about. Explaining half-digested raw meat and copious amounts of blood wouldn't have made things any easier.
A few delays getting the car out of the impound lot, but a repair shop in town was able to replace the window. I'll get my credit cards replaced when I get out of this state.
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aclipscomb) wrote,
